Breath Prayer: FOGGED IN
Lois Hoogeveen*
November 11, 2012
Fog? What fog? My sister was staying at my house
while her husband was a patient in the hospital. She called to tell him she
would be coming to the hospital a bit later than usual because she did not want
to drive in the fog. What fog? he asked. We could not see beyond my
backyard. Just a few miles from my house he had a clear view of the
neighborhood from his window. I talked to another sister, again commenting on
the fog. What fog? she asked. There was no fog at her house
either. Later we ventured out, and just one mile from my house there was
no fog. I realized then that I am living in a low spot where fog settles. I do
not have to go far to have a clear view.
A grieving person lives much of the day surrounded by fog.
Everything closes in on you. You cannot see beyond your immediate surroundings.
You think others around you (at least those closest to you) are experiencing
the same thing. And then you go out and you see people moving about freely
because their view is clear. They do not have thick clouds hovering over
them like that which lingers at your dwelling.
The world closes in around you when you are surrounded by
the denseness of the haze that fills the air. It does not feel safe to go out,
and if you do, you know it is important to practice extreme caution. It is hard
to see others and you wonder if they will see you. You feel vulnerable. The
clouds that envelop your being make you feel dazed and disoriented. You hope
you don’t have to travel into unknown territory because you are not sure you
will be able to see the road. It is difficult, near impossible, to read road
and street signs. Even familiar roads feel less safe. You wonder if others will
be as careful. Driving in the fog. Going out, enshrouded in grief. Very
similar experiences.
I am living in a low spot physically and emotionally. I do
not have to go far from home on a foggy day to enter a community that is
enjoying clear skies. On a day when I cannot see beyond the sadness that is
engulfing me I do not have to go far from home to see people laughing,
interacting with one another and enjoying life. There is no fog in their world.
An observation I have made about days that begin with a
heavy fog cover is that they often turn out to be blue-sky, sunny, beautiful
days. I have experienced a few of those days as well. I believe more will come.
But for now, I live in a low spot where the fog settles. It is the season for
fog. Some days I will stay home until the fog lifts. Other days, I will leave
home and hope to find a spot where the sky is blue, the sun is shining and the
heaviness is lifted.
I search for the Light of God shining through the fog of
grief. I hold on to the clouds that surround me as being the very chariot that
carries God above me, before me, behind me, beneath me as He guides me through
the day. Even in the fog, I will mediate on the presence of the Lord and
rejoice in the assurance that He is with me.
FOGGED IN By day the Lord went ahead of them in a
pillar of cloud to guide them on their way. Exodus 13:21
O Lord my God, you are very great; you are clothed with
splendor and majesty. He wraps himself in light…. He makes the clouds his
chariot…. May my mediation be pleasing to him, as I rejoice in the Lord. Psalm
104:1, 2, 3, 34
* One of our authors, Lois Hoogeveen, lost her husband in early March to a
battle with cancer, which began just 3 months earlier. Jim and Lois had
pastored 5 churches, 2 they planted. At the time they were hit with
this disease they were transitioning into specialized transitional ministry
for the next season of their full time ministry. They were and are good
friends of Ascending Leaders. Through the journey with cancer, Jim and
Lois wrote and shared their "breath prayers," each day. "Breath Praying"
is something they had first learned seven years ago from the Ascending
Leaders Christ Habits book Prayer: Listening to God's Voice.
Since Jim's passing, Lois has been continuing to write excellent reflections on this journey along with breath prayers. She has consented to allow us to share some with you. Lois is also the core author of one of our newest workbooks: Your Pathways: Strong Connection with God.
Since Jim's passing, Lois has been continuing to write excellent reflections on this journey along with breath prayers. She has consented to allow us to share some with you. Lois is also the core author of one of our newest workbooks: Your Pathways: Strong Connection with God.
