Breathe and read ... this comforting NEW book

New Release: Be Still and Know, Breath Praying Through Loss

I learned about breath prayers when I did Ascending Leader’s Listening Prayer study. Little did I know that a few years later this prayer tool would become my survival strategy. Saying breath prayers got me through stressful days and lonely nights after my husband went to heaven. Some of these breath prayers have been posted on the Ascending Leaders blog. Be Still and Know, Breath Praying Through Loss is a compilation of fifty-two breath prayers, giving you the option of focusing on one prayer word each week for one year. Space is allowed at the end of each devotional for you to write a personal breath prayer.

In a breath prayer entitled Presence (pp. 19-21) you will read:

The ache of sorrow is very deep, but the presence of God is very real. I experience God’s presence more vividly than ever before. Shortly before He ascended into heaven, Jesus promised that He would be with us always (Matthew 28:20). I am not surprised by God’s presence. However, I am amazed at the impact of His presence as I walk through the valley of the shadow of death. Knowing that God is here helps me to get out of bed in the morning and get to sleep at night.

Death is not the only kind of sorrow one can experience in this life. Deep sorrow may come from loss of health, relationship difficulties, loss of employment, financial struggles, or separation from loved ones. Whatever the ache, whatever the sorrow, holding on to the presence of God is one sure way to accept and survive the situation. We must surrender to Him, the One who is in control of every detail of our lives.

Moses struggled with his God-given responsibility to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt, where they had been enslaved for many years. He did not think he was up to the task. He did not think the people would listen to him (Exodus 4). He must have felt overwhelmed by the unknown path ahead. I feel a bit like Moses. Just as he felt inadequate and resistant to God’s plan for him to deliver the people from Egyptian slavery, I am struggling with the reality that I have outlived my husband and I now have many new responsibilities as the surviving spouse. I had thought my husband and I would grow old together. Now I find myself facing a different kind of future without my soul mate. My plans have changed. I am overwhelmed when I think of my new status—widow.

Why, God, I ask, have you left me to live alone? God’s response to me is the same as His response was to Moses. In His still, small voice, He says, “I have not left you alone. My presence goes with you.” He promises all believers that He will be there for us, always and forever. Presence. Over and over I breathe the word presence. God is here. I am not alone.

The Lord replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” —Exodus 33:14

Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God. —Isaiah 43:2-3a

Lord, help me feel Your presence. When have you experienced the presence of the Lord? Are you carrying an ache so deep and personal that you feel you are carrying it all alone? Ask God to make you more aware of His presence.

It is my prayer that this book will help others learn how to say breath prayers as well as bring comfort, strength, and hope for anyone who is experiencing any kind of loss. Be Still and Know is available at www.westbowpress.com.

978-1-4908-0144-5 (Soft Cover ISBN)

978-1-4908-0145-2 (Hard Cover ISBN)

978-1-4908-0143-8 (E Book ISBN)

Lois R. Hoogeveen

* One of our authors, Lois Hoogeveen, lost her husband in early March to a battle with cancer, which began just 3 months earlier. Jim and Lois had pastored 5 churches, 2 they planted. At the time they were hit with this disease they were transitioning into specialized transitional ministry for the next season of their full time ministry. They were and are good friends of Ascending Leaders. Through the journey with cancer, Jim and Lois wrote and shared their "breath prayers," each day. "Breath Praying" is something they had first learned seven years ago from the Ascending Leaders Christ Habits book Prayer: Listening to God's Voice.

Since Jim's passing, Lois has been continuing to write excellent reflections on this journey along with breath prayers. She has consented to allow us to share some with you. Lois is also the core author of two of our newest workbooks: Since Jim's passing, Lois has been continuing to write excellent reflections on this journey along with breath prayers. She has consented to allow us to share some with you. Lois is also the core author of two of our newest workbooks:  Your Pathways: Strong Connection with God and Thriving: Stewarding Unexpected Change.

Walking the Journey of Grief--One Breath Prayer at a Time #22

Breath Prayer:  RISE UP

Do you remember when you learned to drive? Although I grew up on a farm I never drove the tractor or pick-up for farm work. We did not have a 4-wheeler all those years ago. I had a bicycle. That was the extent of my “behind the wheel” experience. Until I was 15-years-old. My cousin had no more experience than I did so my aunt decided to take her and I to the pasture to get a feel for being in the driver’s seat of the car before we started drivers education. We took turns driving my aunt’s car in circles in the pasture as our orientation for driving on the streets of the small town where we would have our first on-the-road driving experience.

Fast forward about 15 years. My husband bought a second car – an ugly green Fiat. This ugly green Fiat, which looked like a box on wheels, had a manual transmission. No big deal. It was the car he drove. Until the day I had to take it home from church. Parked on the side of the street, facing up-hill, I had to manage shifting gears as I did the clutch-gas-brake dance in such a way that I could get the car away from the curb and moving forward.

Needless to say, the men who were standing outside the church were given plenty of fodder for laughter and future stories about their inept pastor’s wife who did not know how to drive a stick-shift vehicle. Difficult and embarrassing as it was, I was determined. I was motivated. I had to get home. There were other times when, if I wanted to go where I wanted to be, I had to drive the ugly green Fiat. And I did. I never enjoyed driving this car, but I did not let it hinder me from getting me to my desired destination.

I knew no more about how to navigate through grief a year ago than I did about driving a car the day my aunt took me to the pasture. Moving forward with grief is as jerky a ride as one got when I was driving our ugly green Fiat. It is quite a miserable ride. However, it is a process that does eventually get one from point A to point B. Driving a car, even an ugly green stick-shift Fiat, becomes easier with experience. Navigating life as a surviving spouse also begins to feel more comfortable with the passing of time and the accumulation of successful accomplishments. I am learning how to shift gears more smoothly as I traverse this road of grief.

One day my husband came home with a cute little blue Honda in place of the ugly green Fiat. I was ecstatic until I got in and my eyes were drawn to the lever between the front seats. How could he? I was not happy. But then I took it for a drive. I was able to flawlessly shift from one gear to the next! Unbelievable! The ride was not at all jerky. The combination of what I had learned driving the Fiat and having a better car made a world of difference in my manual-transmission driving competency.

It has been almost a year since I found myself behind the wheel of widowhood, driving in circles around the barren field of life, afraid and overwhelmed. Nothing was automatic. Everything required a clutch-gas-brake dance. Without a choice, I started griever’s education, doing the book-work in the privacy of my home and on-the-road driving in public as I ventured out onto both old and new roads.

Things are starting to change. The ride is smoothing out. It does not feel like the road is always uphill and that I am just jolting back and forth. Some things have now become automatic for me. Others still need to be manually shifted, but I am learning the process and becoming more confident. Persistently praying the names of the Lord has carried me through the ruggedness of grief and is empowering me to rise up and stand firm, trusting the Lord to carry me through the day.

RISE UP  Some trust in chariots and some in horses (or ugly green Fiats) but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. They are brought to their knees and fall, but we rise up and stand firm. Psalm 20:7

* One of our authors, Lois Hoogeveen, lost her husband in early March to a battle with cancer, which began just 3 months earlier. Jim and Lois had pastored 5 churches, 2 they planted. At the time they were hit with this disease they were transitioning into specialized transitional ministry for the next season of their full time ministry. They were and are good friends of Ascending Leaders. Through the journey with cancer, Jim and Lois wrote and shared their "breath prayers," each day. "Breath Praying" is something they had first learned seven years ago from the Ascending Leaders Christ Habits book Prayer: Listening to God's Voice.


Since Jim's passing, Lois has been continuing to write excellent reflections on this journey along with breath prayers. She has consented to allow us to share some with you. Lois is also the core author of two of our newest workbooks: Since Jim's passing, Lois has been continuing to write excellent reflections on this journey along with breath prayers. She has consented to allow us to share some with you. Lois is also the core author of two of our newest workbooks:  Your Pathways: Strong Connection with God and Thriving: Stewarding Unexpected Change.

Walking the Journey of Grief--One Breath Prayer at a Time #21

Breath Prayer:  THINK

Lois Hoogeveen

I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. The children’s book, The Little Engine That Could, tells the story of a little engine that used a good dose of self-talk to climb a mountain that felt insurmountable. The I think I can experiences, like accomplishing a difficult task, reaching a challenging goal or overcoming a fear that immobilized us in the past, also give us I did it! moments that are well worth celebrating.

I had a great I did it! morning this week. It’s that time of year. We all have to face it. Tax season. Some of you may recall that having this inescapable obligation was one of those daunting tasks facing me right after my husband’s death last year. I was fearful and anxious about this responsibility because I had chosen to be ignorant and uninvolved in the process of filing taxes the 40-plus years of our married life. Although I am far from understanding tax rules and regulations, I was very pleased that I had all the facts, figures and forms my CPA needed when we met. And I did it “all by myself.”  No pounding heart, no racing pulse, no tension headache like last year. I did it!

One of the biggest things that affects how I perceive a situation, whether it be pleasant or challenging, is my own thoughts. What I tell myself about the situation affects my approach and response to whatever it might be. My husband was always a good sounding board for me as I “thought out loud.” He was able to calm me if my thoughts were causing anxiety. He helped me see other possibilities when my thoughts were skewed by not considering the bigger picture. He listened to me and often, not always, responded with a perspective that I had not considered.

With the death of my husband I lost my trustworthy sounding board and experienced the consequences. For example, when I had to take care of my taxes last year I told myself that I was clueless and incapable of sufficiently gathering the needed information. No wonder I was stressed. This year I told myself that I could prepare for the inevitable all year long by creating my own spreadsheets and record-keeping system. Telling myself I could learn and I could do it helped me feel more confident as I prepared to meet with my CPA. This is true in many other areas as well. There are many things that I told myself I would never be able to do, when, prior to my husband’s illness, we casually talked about “what if you died before I do.” Sad to say, I am the surviving spouse. I have done things I had once told him I would never be able to do. I feel good about all that I have learned and accomplished.  I frequently remind myself that if I don’t know about something I can learn. I tell myself to remember that there are few mistakes that cannot be fixed.

A person who lives alone talks to herself a lot and so I have been thinking about the thoughts that fuel my self-talk. If I tell myself I don’t think I can do that then I probably will not be able to do whatever it might be. However, if I tell myself I think I can then I have a much higher possibility of successfully tackling the task or challenge that I face. If I tell myself I don’t think I can survive without my husband then every day is going to be a challenge. If I tell myself I think I can do this, with God’s help, then I will again find my place in His world. Recently I made a list of the positive things my husband would want me to think, feel or do. This was valuable exercise for me to do. It is helping me strengthen my I think I can attitude.

The Bible speaks about our thoughts and tells us what to meditate on. The Psalmist, who seems to have some sleep issues, tells us what he did when he laid awake at night. He said On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night. (Psalm 63:6) My eyes stay open through the watches of the night, that I may meditate on your promises. (Psalm 119:148) I admit I have had a lot of waking hours when I wished I was sleeping. That is when my thought-life goes into overdrive. However, it is not all bad. When it is just me and God there are sweet moments as I meditate on Who He is and what He is doing in my life. Even in loss we have blessings and we will see them when we intentionally look for them, when we choose to think about His promises and His presence, when we deliberately focus on that which is excellent or praiseworthy.

Paul, in his book to the Philippians, follows up a sentence about anxiety with a list of positive things to think about in order to experience God’s peace. There is nothing I would rather have than that kind of peace. Controlling my mind and channeling my thoughts is foundational to receiving God’s sweet peace.

I cannot think about what I can do to take care of myself on earth without thinking about the one thing I cannot do. There is nothing I can do or have to do to prepare for my eternal life in heaven. Knowing this, thinking about this, gives me a wonderful big picture perspective on the hard days. I think I can is the best way for me to respond to God’s Word which tells me to wait, to be still, to know that one day He will bring me to my home in heaven. My husband is already there. I eagerly await the day when I see my Redeemer face to face and I can say to Him, You did it!

THINK  Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things….And the God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4:8, 9

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14

* One of our authors, Lois Hoogeveen, lost her husband in early March to a battle with cancer, which began just 3 months earlier. Jim and Lois had pastored 5 churches, 2 they planted. At the time they were hit with this disease they were transitioning into specialized transitional ministry for the next season of their full time ministry. They were and are good friends of Ascending Leaders. Through the journey with cancer, Jim and Lois wrote and shared their "breath prayers," each day. "Breath Praying" is something they had first learned seven years ago from the Ascending Leaders Christ Habits book Prayer: Listening to God's Voice.


Since Jim's passing, Lois has been continuing to write excellent reflections on this journey along with breath prayers. She has consented to allow us to share some with you. Lois is also the core author of two of our newest workbooks: Since Jim's passing, Lois has been continuing to write excellent reflections on this journey along with breath prayers. She has consented to allow us to share some with you. Lois is also the core author of two of our newest workbooks:  Your Pathways: Strong Connection with God and Thriving: Stewarding Unexpected Change.

Walking the Journey of Grief--One Breath Prayer at a Time #20

Breath Prayer: RADIANT

Lois Hoogeveen

January 20, 2013

Good morning, my daughter. I am here to be you light, warm your heart, guide your steps and take care of you all day long. God was speaking to me. Not through a beautiful sunrise painted across the heavens like I experienced few weeks ago. This was different. This was a clear sky with a magnificent orange ball, the morning sun, emerging in the eastern sky. Although I wanted to fix my eyes on this beautiful star, the largest in the Solar System, I had to look away because the brightness was so intense.  The sun is powerful. It gives me energy. On a day when the sun is hidden by the clouds, I feel more tired, less motivated. Even if it is cold, even if the ground is covered with snow, even when it is windy I deal with all these elements better if the sun is shining. What would I do without the sun?

Looking at the sun makes me think about how I am affected by looking at the Son of God. Am I as drawn to gaze at the Son of God as I am at the brilliant morning sun? Does His Presence captivate me and cause me to stand in awe and just behold Him in all his majesty? Do I freely talk with others about the magnificent Son-rises I experience in day-to-day living?  Just as we take the sun for granted, I fear that we also become apathetic to the Son in our lives. I know that I deal with life much better when I am not only blessed with a sunny day and but also with a keen awareness of the Son permeating every moment of my day.

People know when I have spent time in the sun. They can see it in my face as the color of my skin changes. Sometimes they comment on it and I am a bit surprised that it is noticeable that I have been soaking in the rays. The Bible tells us of at least two incidences where being in the presence of the Lord affected one’s countenance. When Moses came down from the mountain after receiving the Ten Commandments from the Lord the people could see that he had absorbed a lot of Son-rays. But he didn’t even realize it himself. Moses had been with the Lord and his face was radiant! (Exodus 34:29) The Bible tells us that at the Transfiguration Jesus’ face shone like the sun. (Matthew 17:2)

As we might pray for the sun to shine again after having several cloudy, dreary days, do we ask God to make His face shine upon us and give us peace, to brighten up our world when we are living with the darkness of disappointment, sadness, loss? Do we seek His face for our energy and strength? Does God’s face shine upon us as we go about the routines and busyness of life on earth? Do we ask the Lord to open our eyes that we might see wonderful things in His Word and in His world? Is my face radiant because I am repeatedly looking upward at the Son? On a sunny day I still have to choose to open my blinds or go outdoors to reap the benefit of the sun. In the same way, I need to choose to let the Son into my life each day. Admittedly, I have times when I do not open the blinds of my house or my soul. And when I do, I am the one who misses the blessing.

When I think of Heaven, which I do far more frequently than I ever did before, I think of a place that is brilliantly aglow all the time. One day I will see Jesus face to face, and it is going to be more far more glorious than the brightest sun that adorns the morning sky. The Word tells us that His face will be like the sun shining in all its brilliance! (Revelation 1:16) So how can I NOT think about the Son when I look at the sun? I love the early morning reminder from God that He is here, that I am not alone and that He is going to follow me all day long, giving me grace and peace for the day. (Numbers 6:24-26) The Son brings restoration. (Psalm 80:3) He is gracious to the lonely and afflicted. (Psalm 25:15, 16)  Fixing my eyes on the Son gives me power that helps combat growing weary and losing heart. (Hebrews 12: 3) The Son is the radiance of God’s glory, sustaining us by His powerful Word. (Hebrews 1:3) He never takes His eyes off the righteous. (Job 36:7)

Neither the sun that graces our world nor the Son who sits at the right hand of our Father in Heaven should be ignored. However, although we must protect ourselves from the sun we never need to find protection from the Son. In fact, we can never get too many Son-rays. Do not turn away from the Son. Let His face shine on you to give you grace and peace.

Next time you look at the sun ask yourself, “Does my face reflect the radiance of the Son?”

RADIANT  Those who look to him are radiant. Psalm 34:5

The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace. Numbers 6:24-26

* One of our authors, Lois Hoogeveen, lost her husband in early March to a battle with cancer, which began just 3 months earlier. Jim and Lois had pastored 5 churches, 2 they planted. At the time they were hit with this disease they were transitioning into specialized transitional ministry for the next season of their full time ministry. They were and are good friends of Ascending Leaders. Through the journey with cancer, Jim and Lois wrote and shared their "breath prayers," each day. "Breath Praying" is something they had first learned seven years ago from the Ascending Leaders Christ Habits book Prayer: Listening to God's Voice.


Since Jim's passing, Lois has been continuing to write excellent reflections on this journey along with breath prayers. She has consented to allow us to share some with you. Lois is also the core author of two of our newest workbooks: Since Jim's passing, Lois has been continuing to write excellent reflections on this journey along with breath prayers. She has consented to allow us to share some with you. Lois is also the core author of two of our newest workbooks:  Your Pathways: Strong Connection with God and Thriving: Stewarding Unexpected Change.

Walking the Journey of Grief--One Breath Prayer at a Time #19

Breath Prayer: TRUST

Lois Hoogeveen

January 13, 2013

I slowly ascended Mt. Sinai riding on the back of a camel. The Bedouin guide’s spoken English was probably limited to less than ten words, “yes” being the one he chose when I asked if Jamel was a gentle camel. Not only did I get separated from my husband, whose camel was further back in the pack, but self-assured Jamel also got ahead of our guide. So it was Jamel and me, just the two of us, climbing the narrow, rugged trail up Mt. Sinai on a hot summer day. Of course we did not understand each other’s language either, and since he was totally in control of our expedition in the Egyptian desert, I had to fully trust that I would be safe on Jamel’s back, slowly going upward one step at a time on this stony trail. Jamel hugged the edge, and I wondered when his foot would slip and we would crash down the rocky cliff. My heart pounded . I was scared. But wait. These camels must know what they are doing or this Bedouin camel-riding business would have been shut down long ago. I cautiously started to trust Jamel’s instincts, I relaxed a bit and began to enjoy the experience. Jamel took me as far as he could go. From there we continued on foot, climbing the 750 steps that would take us to the summit of Mt. Sinai. Bidding farewell to Jamel was not the end of my trust-walk that day. After sunset we had to go down the same rocky, windy trail on foot, in the dark, to return to our base camp. Our group guide lost site of the path and we had a taste of wandering in the desert in the black of night. My fearless husband persistently checked every potential path, and once he found the right one became our sherpa, whom the group trusted to lead them safely back to camp.

I trusted the person who was initially leading our group. But not after we knew we were off the beaten path. Some people, like me, trust almost everyone until something happens that indicates this person is not trustworthy. Others initially trust no one, and only begin to trust people when they prove that they can be trusted. Which do you identify with? Without trust relationships are compromised and we do not reap the fullest value that might be afforded us through them. We do not live life in a vacuum, and so it is crucial that we are, first of all, trustworthy ourselves and then that we develop safe relationships with people around us. What are you doing to prove that you can be trusted? What are you doing to cultivate trusting relationships with others? Fear takes over in the absence of trust. When we find ourselves living in fear we need to explore who we can go to or what we can do to help dissolve that fear. Only as we put our trust in reliable, honorable sources will we be able to calm our soul and develop a spirit of peace. Indeed, trust is the only antidote to fear.

Trust transcends human relationships. People will disappoint us. They will break our trust. Circumstances will challenge us and may be the source of anxiety and fear. But God will never abandon us, betray us, mislead us, reject us. He is with us in every situation we encounter, in every trial we face. He wants us to strengthen our faith as we navigate through our weakest moments and most painful experiences . Even when death takes one we love, one we planned to spend many more years with on earth, even when we are disappointed that God’s plan did not match our plan, even when we are afraid of how we will survive without our spouse, even then, we can still trust God. God, our Father, does not promise to always give us what we want but He does promise to never leave us or forsake us. He promises to be our Refuge and our Strength.

Trust. Faith. Hope. These three are intertwined. Trust is the backbone of faith and faith is the foundation of hope. As we trust the Lord in the darkest night our faith becomes stronger and hope is birthed. Trust, faith and hope are the benefits we receive upon believing in Jesus Christ. They are His gifts to us, His chosen, treasured people. No one, other than our Redeeming Savior and Lord, can give these to us and no one can take them away. Trust, faith and hope fuel us in the best and worst of circumstances, in our strongest and weakest moments. In them the Giver of these gifts displays His presence and power. The Lord is sure-footed as He carries me on the rugged path of life. If I trusted Jamel, doesn’t it make all the more sense to trust Jehovah?

Trust Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on our own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

When I am afraid, I will trust in you. Psalm 56:3

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

* One of our authors, Lois Hoogeveen, lost her husband in early March to a battle with cancer, which began just 3 months earlier. Jim and Lois had pastored 5 churches, 2 they planted. At the time they were hit with this disease they were transitioning into specialized transitional ministry for the next season of their full time ministry. They were and are good friends of Ascending Leaders. Through the journey with cancer, Jim and Lois wrote and shared their "breath prayers," each day. "Breath Praying" is something they had first learned seven years ago from the Ascending Leaders Christ Habits book Prayer: Listening to God's Voice.


Since Jim's passing, Lois has been continuing to write excellent reflections on this journey along with breath prayers. She has consented to allow us to share some with you. Lois is also the core author of two of our newest workbooks: Since Jim's passing, Lois has been continuing to write excellent reflections on this journey along with breath prayers. She has consented to allow us to share some with you. Lois is also the core author of two of our newest workbooks:  Your Pathways: Strong Connection with God and Thriving: Stewarding Unexpected Change.

Walking the Journey of Grief--One Breath Prayer at a Time #18

Breath Prayer: LOOK

Lois Hoogeveen

December 30, 2012

“Look at that!” was a recurrent exclamation by either my husband or I as we ascended mountain roads, walked on sandy beaches and beheld a sunrise or a sunset. Especially sunrises and sunsets. We often summoned each other to the east-facing window or west-facing deck on our home so we could gaze together at a dazzling sunrise or radiant sunset. My husband also beckoned me outside on many occasions to join him in gazing at a storm-clouded sky, luminous stars or a full moon gracing the dark firmament.  These moments are etched in my mind as cherished memories of standing together in awe of the Artist who created these scenes of natural, indescribable beauty.

God gave us a memorable sunrise and sunset occurrence in the last year of my husband’s life. The first happened the morning we were leaving the lake after our annual week of camping with our dear friends. Shortly before we drove away from what, unknown to us, would be our last time together at this lake, we stood, hand in hand, mesmerized by a breathtaking sunrise over the lake. It was the most glorious sunrise I have ever seen. Fast forward five months, driving home after Jim said his earthly good-byes to his father, the Lord graced us with a phenomenal sunset for 45 minutes of our trip home. Both of these were “Look at that!” experiences.

Brilliant sunrises and sunsets remind me of the Sovereign Lord who created life, who ordains the beginning and end of life and all that lies between the sunrises and sunsets of our days on earth. A brilliant sunrise erupts into the light of day. A breath-taking sunset is swallowed by the darkness of night. Life with someone we love is an experience that is bookended with sunrises and sunsets. At some point in life we all release someone we love, a parent, a spouse, a child, a sibling, a friend, into the glory of the heavens. What is left is memories of some phenomenal sunrises and some breath-taking sunsets with a lot of ordinary days that now hold extraordinary value. Sunrises and sunsets now remind me of my husband and make me celebrate that he is in heaven, a place that is more glorious than the most magnificent sunrise or sunset, the most rugged snow-capped mountain, the clearest lake, the fullest moon and brightest stars our eyes ever beheld.

Between the sunrises and sunsets of this past year I have experienced the turbulence of storms. It has been a “Look at that!” year in many ways. Both grief and the ending of a calendar year tend to make one look in the rearview mirror of life.  As this year ends, my rearview mirror reflects loss, grief, sadness, aloneness, change, fear. But that is only part of what is behind me. I also see love, grace, mercy, peace. All these feelings and emotions are blended together much like the colors in a spectacular sunrise or sunset. Living life is like driving a vehicle. We must focus on what is ahead and around us with only short glances in the rearview mirror, using what is behind to give perspective that influences our moving forward.

It is important to pause and marvel at a year’s “Look at that!” God-sightings. Making a list of all these “aha moments and experiences” is a valuable end-of-the year exercise.  As I look back over this past year, I know without a doubt that the Creator of sunrises and sunsets, of mountains and valleys, of clear skies and stormy clouds, of lakes and dry land, the Author of life and death, the Giver of blessings in the midst of sorrow, was the One Who was taking care of me, His beloved daughter.  My rearview mirror reflects God’s presence and blessing in the times of storm and the Body of Christ ministering to me in a myriad of ways. It sharpens my perspective that life on earth with its joys and sorrows is temporary. In my rearview mirror I see Jesus on the cross. I pause to say “Look at that!”  and then receive renewed power to move forward, knowing that  Jesus is now sitting at the right hand of God, giving me courage and strength for today as well as hope for eternity.

LOOK  Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always. Psalm 105:4

  

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:18

* One of our authors, Lois Hoogeveen, lost her husband in early March to a battle with cancer, which began just 3 months earlier. Jim and Lois had pastored 5 churches, 2 they planted. At the time they were hit with this disease they were transitioning into specialized transitional ministry for the next season of their full time ministry. They were and are good friends of Ascending Leaders. Through the journey with cancer, Jim and Lois wrote and shared their "breath prayers," each day. "Breath Praying" is something they had first learned seven years ago from the Ascending Leaders Christ Habits book Prayer: Listening to God's Voice.


Since Jim's passing, Lois has been continuing to write excellent reflections on this journey along with breath prayers. She has consented to allow us to share some with you. Lois is also the core author of two of our newest workbooks: Since Jim's passing, Lois has been continuing to write excellent reflections on this journey along with breath prayers. She has consented to allow us to share some with you. Lois is also the core author of two of our newest workbooks:  Your Pathways: Strong Connection with God and Thriving: Stewarding Unexpected Change

Walking the Journey of Grief--One Breath Prayer at a Time #17

Breath Prayer: MYSTERY

Lois Hoogeveen

December 16, 2012

I enjoy a good mystery, whether reading a book or watching a movie. I like the suspense of the unknown, the development of a plot as it thickens and unfolds, feeling personal satisfaction when my prediction of the outcome or verdict is correct as well as enjoying the “I didn’t see that coming” moment when the final moments take me by surprise. As much as I like mystery in the fictional world, I am not a fan of suspense in the real world. I would rather know what to expect in my life and not be surprised by unforeseen circumstances.

Both birth and death have many elements of mystery, drama and suspense with numerous unexpected, untimely, unpredictable and uncontrollable twists and turns. No two births or deaths are exactly the same. There is mystery in the survival of a newborn baby who enters the world too soon and too tiny. There is mystery in the loss of a loved one who leaves this earth suddenly and unexpectedly. There is mystery in a newborn taking that first breath. There is mystery in a loved one who suffers intensely and yet lingers day after day, week after week. There is mystery when a child’s physical and mental development  does not progress in sync. There is mystery in the loss of a loved one’s memory and mental capacity while his or her physical body remains strong and healthy.

We have been taught to take responsibility for our health. Thus parents take their children in for well checks and adults go to doctors for annual physicals. We bike, jog, walk on treadmills, work out on elliptical machines and lift weights. We make healthy food choices. We take vitamins and supplements. Even more important, we are responsible for our spiritual physique. How diligent are we taking time in the Word and Prayer to improve our spiritual health?

The story of each of our lives is being written by the Author of life. Only the Creator and Sustainer of life knows the plot of each one of us from beginning to end. We must always be ready for the end Why does He not reveal the mystery, giving us a clue about the details of how long we will be on earth? I believe this is His way of developing and deepening our trust in Him. We know the day will come when life on earth will end. We might have forewarning, knowing when our earthly life is almost over.  It might be an abrupt, unexpected ending. Unlike a novel we read, we do not know the length of our story. We cannot progress through life as we do with a book or movie, knowing when the mystery will soon conclude because there are only a few more pages to turn or a few more minutes left until the end of the show. However, those who believe in the Author and Redeemer of life do know how the story will ultimately end even though we do not know the when the end of life on earth will come.

Sometimes life feels like a slow-moving movie and we just wish the end would come. Unlike a movie, we do not have a fast-forward button in life that brings us to the end quicker because we want the drama to be done. Unlike a book, we do not have the option to skip pages to get to the end of the story. Neither do we have a rewind button. I wish we would have had more pages in the story of my husband’s life – both during the chapters of health as well as during the chapters of cancer. We never had a season of remission to rest and regroup and better prepare for the imminent end. Sometimes I wish we could go back a year or two, when we were both healthy and active and doing so much together. Sometimes I wish we had talked more about certain things. Sometimes I wish we had spent more time just being together. Going back is not a choice God gives us. Now I must learn to live each day with “can’t-put-it-down” anticipation of the plot God is unfolding in this mysterious new way of living. Believing God has the mystery of my life under His control takes faith in the “I AM” of my life.  “I am your Sustainer, I am your Provider, I am your Protector, I am your Friend, I am Sovereign, I am Lord” connects every word, every sentence, every paragraph, every page, every chapter of my story.

The story of the birth, life and death of Jesus Christ is certainly in the mystery genre. There were and continue to be more questions about how, why, when and so what than have ever been asked about any other child who was born in this world. Jesus’ mother didn’t press God for the details. She treasured the mystery of life, knowing that with life comes death. While others were amazed at her child, Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. (Luke 2:19) Many of the details of Jesus’ life and death have been revealed to us. Are we amazed at the mystery of God’s love? Do we treasure how He impacts our story? Do we trust God’s wisdom and knowledge enough to follow Him even when we cannot trace His path for our life?

God wrote the beginning and the end of each of our stories before we were even born. He is the Director of our life. Our days are numbered. We cannot fathom the mystery of how He knows every detail of our lives, what was, what is and what is to come. One thing we know, as His child, is that in life and in death, we belong to Him. Heidelberg Catechism #1: My only comfort in life and death is that I am not my own but belong to my faithful Savior, Jesus Christ. He is the Author of every moment of my life.

MYSTERY Can you fathom the mysteries of God? Job 11:7

Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord? Romans 11:33-34

The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law. Deuteronomy 29:29

Walking in the rain with God at one's side.

 One group guide, Laurie Vonk of Hudsonville, MI, using Ascending Leaders in her church wrote this blog today about her journey through chemotherapy and radiation for stage 1 stomach cancer. I thought it is wonderful and expect you will find it so too.

Walking in the Rain......

I received an ecard from a friend this week that depicted me as a little girl walking outside in the rain by myself. My friend, watching from inside, wished she had a big yellow umbrella she could hold over me to protect me from all the rain in my life...but she did not. Instead she put on her boots, came outside, took my hand, and told me she would walk through the rain with me!

This got me thinking about rain...first thoughts...uncomfortable, dreary, depressing. Then I realized the importance of rain...nourishing, causes growth, brings life. Rain is a sign of God's blessing - Deuteronomy 11:13-15 "So if you faithfully obey the commands I am giving you today - to love the Lord your God and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul - then I will send rain on your land in its season. both autumn and spring rains, so that you may gather in your grain, new wine and oil. I will provide grass in the fields for your cattle, and you will eat and be satisfied."

I got my chemo and meds on Monday. The nausea started on Tuesday afternoon and lasted until I got hydration and more meds on Wednesday noon. I had some trouble with dizziness Tuesday morning - my blood pressure was pretty low 85/58. The hydration helped with that I think. (Sort of like rain) So far this morning (Thursday) things are pretty good. I am scheduled for more hydration tomorrow morning. Hopefully that will keep bad symptoms at bay. My next chemo is scheduled for Monday, January 21.

Thank you for your prayers that this chemo will be effective in my body and that I may be able to handle the side effects. The ultrasound of my gallbladder showed some thickening of the gallbladder wall. If symptoms persist, more testing may be necessary.

Let us be grateful for the rain in our lives and for those who are willing to walk through it with us! May we always be on the lookout for those who need a companion in the rain...may we be willing to get wet in order to show God's love to them!

Ezekiel 34:26 "I will bless them and the places surrounding my hill. I will send down showers in season; there will be showers of blessing."