Walking the Journey of Grief--One Breath Prayer at a Time #19

Breath Prayer: TRUST

Lois Hoogeveen

January 13, 2013

I slowly ascended Mt. Sinai riding on the back of a camel. The Bedouin guide’s spoken English was probably limited to less than ten words, “yes” being the one he chose when I asked if Jamel was a gentle camel. Not only did I get separated from my husband, whose camel was further back in the pack, but self-assured Jamel also got ahead of our guide. So it was Jamel and me, just the two of us, climbing the narrow, rugged trail up Mt. Sinai on a hot summer day. Of course we did not understand each other’s language either, and since he was totally in control of our expedition in the Egyptian desert, I had to fully trust that I would be safe on Jamel’s back, slowly going upward one step at a time on this stony trail. Jamel hugged the edge, and I wondered when his foot would slip and we would crash down the rocky cliff. My heart pounded . I was scared. But wait. These camels must know what they are doing or this Bedouin camel-riding business would have been shut down long ago. I cautiously started to trust Jamel’s instincts, I relaxed a bit and began to enjoy the experience. Jamel took me as far as he could go. From there we continued on foot, climbing the 750 steps that would take us to the summit of Mt. Sinai. Bidding farewell to Jamel was not the end of my trust-walk that day. After sunset we had to go down the same rocky, windy trail on foot, in the dark, to return to our base camp. Our group guide lost site of the path and we had a taste of wandering in the desert in the black of night. My fearless husband persistently checked every potential path, and once he found the right one became our sherpa, whom the group trusted to lead them safely back to camp.

I trusted the person who was initially leading our group. But not after we knew we were off the beaten path. Some people, like me, trust almost everyone until something happens that indicates this person is not trustworthy. Others initially trust no one, and only begin to trust people when they prove that they can be trusted. Which do you identify with? Without trust relationships are compromised and we do not reap the fullest value that might be afforded us through them. We do not live life in a vacuum, and so it is crucial that we are, first of all, trustworthy ourselves and then that we develop safe relationships with people around us. What are you doing to prove that you can be trusted? What are you doing to cultivate trusting relationships with others? Fear takes over in the absence of trust. When we find ourselves living in fear we need to explore who we can go to or what we can do to help dissolve that fear. Only as we put our trust in reliable, honorable sources will we be able to calm our soul and develop a spirit of peace. Indeed, trust is the only antidote to fear.

Trust transcends human relationships. People will disappoint us. They will break our trust. Circumstances will challenge us and may be the source of anxiety and fear. But God will never abandon us, betray us, mislead us, reject us. He is with us in every situation we encounter, in every trial we face. He wants us to strengthen our faith as we navigate through our weakest moments and most painful experiences . Even when death takes one we love, one we planned to spend many more years with on earth, even when we are disappointed that God’s plan did not match our plan, even when we are afraid of how we will survive without our spouse, even then, we can still trust God. God, our Father, does not promise to always give us what we want but He does promise to never leave us or forsake us. He promises to be our Refuge and our Strength.

Trust. Faith. Hope. These three are intertwined. Trust is the backbone of faith and faith is the foundation of hope. As we trust the Lord in the darkest night our faith becomes stronger and hope is birthed. Trust, faith and hope are the benefits we receive upon believing in Jesus Christ. They are His gifts to us, His chosen, treasured people. No one, other than our Redeeming Savior and Lord, can give these to us and no one can take them away. Trust, faith and hope fuel us in the best and worst of circumstances, in our strongest and weakest moments. In them the Giver of these gifts displays His presence and power. The Lord is sure-footed as He carries me on the rugged path of life. If I trusted Jamel, doesn’t it make all the more sense to trust Jehovah?

Trust Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on our own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

When I am afraid, I will trust in you. Psalm 56:3

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

* One of our authors, Lois Hoogeveen, lost her husband in early March to a battle with cancer, which began just 3 months earlier. Jim and Lois had pastored 5 churches, 2 they planted. At the time they were hit with this disease they were transitioning into specialized transitional ministry for the next season of their full time ministry. They were and are good friends of Ascending Leaders. Through the journey with cancer, Jim and Lois wrote and shared their "breath prayers," each day. "Breath Praying" is something they had first learned seven years ago from the Ascending Leaders Christ Habits book Prayer: Listening to God's Voice.


Since Jim's passing, Lois has been continuing to write excellent reflections on this journey along with breath prayers. She has consented to allow us to share some with you. Lois is also the core author of two of our newest workbooks: Since Jim's passing, Lois has been continuing to write excellent reflections on this journey along with breath prayers. She has consented to allow us to share some with you. Lois is also the core author of two of our newest workbooks:  Your Pathways: Strong Connection with God and Thriving: Stewarding Unexpected Change.

Walking the Journey of Grief--One Breath Prayer at a Time #18

Breath Prayer: LOOK

Lois Hoogeveen

December 30, 2012

“Look at that!” was a recurrent exclamation by either my husband or I as we ascended mountain roads, walked on sandy beaches and beheld a sunrise or a sunset. Especially sunrises and sunsets. We often summoned each other to the east-facing window or west-facing deck on our home so we could gaze together at a dazzling sunrise or radiant sunset. My husband also beckoned me outside on many occasions to join him in gazing at a storm-clouded sky, luminous stars or a full moon gracing the dark firmament.  These moments are etched in my mind as cherished memories of standing together in awe of the Artist who created these scenes of natural, indescribable beauty.

God gave us a memorable sunrise and sunset occurrence in the last year of my husband’s life. The first happened the morning we were leaving the lake after our annual week of camping with our dear friends. Shortly before we drove away from what, unknown to us, would be our last time together at this lake, we stood, hand in hand, mesmerized by a breathtaking sunrise over the lake. It was the most glorious sunrise I have ever seen. Fast forward five months, driving home after Jim said his earthly good-byes to his father, the Lord graced us with a phenomenal sunset for 45 minutes of our trip home. Both of these were “Look at that!” experiences.

Brilliant sunrises and sunsets remind me of the Sovereign Lord who created life, who ordains the beginning and end of life and all that lies between the sunrises and sunsets of our days on earth. A brilliant sunrise erupts into the light of day. A breath-taking sunset is swallowed by the darkness of night. Life with someone we love is an experience that is bookended with sunrises and sunsets. At some point in life we all release someone we love, a parent, a spouse, a child, a sibling, a friend, into the glory of the heavens. What is left is memories of some phenomenal sunrises and some breath-taking sunsets with a lot of ordinary days that now hold extraordinary value. Sunrises and sunsets now remind me of my husband and make me celebrate that he is in heaven, a place that is more glorious than the most magnificent sunrise or sunset, the most rugged snow-capped mountain, the clearest lake, the fullest moon and brightest stars our eyes ever beheld.

Between the sunrises and sunsets of this past year I have experienced the turbulence of storms. It has been a “Look at that!” year in many ways. Both grief and the ending of a calendar year tend to make one look in the rearview mirror of life.  As this year ends, my rearview mirror reflects loss, grief, sadness, aloneness, change, fear. But that is only part of what is behind me. I also see love, grace, mercy, peace. All these feelings and emotions are blended together much like the colors in a spectacular sunrise or sunset. Living life is like driving a vehicle. We must focus on what is ahead and around us with only short glances in the rearview mirror, using what is behind to give perspective that influences our moving forward.

It is important to pause and marvel at a year’s “Look at that!” God-sightings. Making a list of all these “aha moments and experiences” is a valuable end-of-the year exercise.  As I look back over this past year, I know without a doubt that the Creator of sunrises and sunsets, of mountains and valleys, of clear skies and stormy clouds, of lakes and dry land, the Author of life and death, the Giver of blessings in the midst of sorrow, was the One Who was taking care of me, His beloved daughter.  My rearview mirror reflects God’s presence and blessing in the times of storm and the Body of Christ ministering to me in a myriad of ways. It sharpens my perspective that life on earth with its joys and sorrows is temporary. In my rearview mirror I see Jesus on the cross. I pause to say “Look at that!”  and then receive renewed power to move forward, knowing that  Jesus is now sitting at the right hand of God, giving me courage and strength for today as well as hope for eternity.

LOOK  Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always. Psalm 105:4

  

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:18

* One of our authors, Lois Hoogeveen, lost her husband in early March to a battle with cancer, which began just 3 months earlier. Jim and Lois had pastored 5 churches, 2 they planted. At the time they were hit with this disease they were transitioning into specialized transitional ministry for the next season of their full time ministry. They were and are good friends of Ascending Leaders. Through the journey with cancer, Jim and Lois wrote and shared their "breath prayers," each day. "Breath Praying" is something they had first learned seven years ago from the Ascending Leaders Christ Habits book Prayer: Listening to God's Voice.


Since Jim's passing, Lois has been continuing to write excellent reflections on this journey along with breath prayers. She has consented to allow us to share some with you. Lois is also the core author of two of our newest workbooks: Since Jim's passing, Lois has been continuing to write excellent reflections on this journey along with breath prayers. She has consented to allow us to share some with you. Lois is also the core author of two of our newest workbooks:  Your Pathways: Strong Connection with God and Thriving: Stewarding Unexpected Change

Walking the Journey of Grief--One Breath Prayer at a Time #17

Breath Prayer: MYSTERY

Lois Hoogeveen

December 16, 2012

I enjoy a good mystery, whether reading a book or watching a movie. I like the suspense of the unknown, the development of a plot as it thickens and unfolds, feeling personal satisfaction when my prediction of the outcome or verdict is correct as well as enjoying the “I didn’t see that coming” moment when the final moments take me by surprise. As much as I like mystery in the fictional world, I am not a fan of suspense in the real world. I would rather know what to expect in my life and not be surprised by unforeseen circumstances.

Both birth and death have many elements of mystery, drama and suspense with numerous unexpected, untimely, unpredictable and uncontrollable twists and turns. No two births or deaths are exactly the same. There is mystery in the survival of a newborn baby who enters the world too soon and too tiny. There is mystery in the loss of a loved one who leaves this earth suddenly and unexpectedly. There is mystery in a newborn taking that first breath. There is mystery in a loved one who suffers intensely and yet lingers day after day, week after week. There is mystery when a child’s physical and mental development  does not progress in sync. There is mystery in the loss of a loved one’s memory and mental capacity while his or her physical body remains strong and healthy.

We have been taught to take responsibility for our health. Thus parents take their children in for well checks and adults go to doctors for annual physicals. We bike, jog, walk on treadmills, work out on elliptical machines and lift weights. We make healthy food choices. We take vitamins and supplements. Even more important, we are responsible for our spiritual physique. How diligent are we taking time in the Word and Prayer to improve our spiritual health?

The story of each of our lives is being written by the Author of life. Only the Creator and Sustainer of life knows the plot of each one of us from beginning to end. We must always be ready for the end Why does He not reveal the mystery, giving us a clue about the details of how long we will be on earth? I believe this is His way of developing and deepening our trust in Him. We know the day will come when life on earth will end. We might have forewarning, knowing when our earthly life is almost over.  It might be an abrupt, unexpected ending. Unlike a novel we read, we do not know the length of our story. We cannot progress through life as we do with a book or movie, knowing when the mystery will soon conclude because there are only a few more pages to turn or a few more minutes left until the end of the show. However, those who believe in the Author and Redeemer of life do know how the story will ultimately end even though we do not know the when the end of life on earth will come.

Sometimes life feels like a slow-moving movie and we just wish the end would come. Unlike a movie, we do not have a fast-forward button in life that brings us to the end quicker because we want the drama to be done. Unlike a book, we do not have the option to skip pages to get to the end of the story. Neither do we have a rewind button. I wish we would have had more pages in the story of my husband’s life – both during the chapters of health as well as during the chapters of cancer. We never had a season of remission to rest and regroup and better prepare for the imminent end. Sometimes I wish we could go back a year or two, when we were both healthy and active and doing so much together. Sometimes I wish we had talked more about certain things. Sometimes I wish we had spent more time just being together. Going back is not a choice God gives us. Now I must learn to live each day with “can’t-put-it-down” anticipation of the plot God is unfolding in this mysterious new way of living. Believing God has the mystery of my life under His control takes faith in the “I AM” of my life.  “I am your Sustainer, I am your Provider, I am your Protector, I am your Friend, I am Sovereign, I am Lord” connects every word, every sentence, every paragraph, every page, every chapter of my story.

The story of the birth, life and death of Jesus Christ is certainly in the mystery genre. There were and continue to be more questions about how, why, when and so what than have ever been asked about any other child who was born in this world. Jesus’ mother didn’t press God for the details. She treasured the mystery of life, knowing that with life comes death. While others were amazed at her child, Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. (Luke 2:19) Many of the details of Jesus’ life and death have been revealed to us. Are we amazed at the mystery of God’s love? Do we treasure how He impacts our story? Do we trust God’s wisdom and knowledge enough to follow Him even when we cannot trace His path for our life?

God wrote the beginning and the end of each of our stories before we were even born. He is the Director of our life. Our days are numbered. We cannot fathom the mystery of how He knows every detail of our lives, what was, what is and what is to come. One thing we know, as His child, is that in life and in death, we belong to Him. Heidelberg Catechism #1: My only comfort in life and death is that I am not my own but belong to my faithful Savior, Jesus Christ. He is the Author of every moment of my life.

MYSTERY Can you fathom the mysteries of God? Job 11:7

Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord? Romans 11:33-34

The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law. Deuteronomy 29:29