Walking the Journey of Grief--One Breath Prayer at a Time #16

 NOTE: Lois is the core author of our soon to be released new study Thriving: Stewarding Unexpected Change.

Breath Prayer: EXPECT

Lois Hoogeveen*

December 9, 2012

Advent is a time of waiting. It is a time of anticipation. It is a time of expectation. The season of advent has caused me to think about expectations.

Expectations. We all have them. We expect things of ourselves. We expect things of others. Expectations might be realistic or unrealistic, fair or unfair, just or unjust. We might say, I expect you to…, but more often our expectations are unspoken. They are hidden. It takes conscious effort to recognize the expectations we have of our self and others as well as the expectations others have of us. Realistic expectations of our self and others is one of the secrets to experiencing happiness, satisfaction and peace. Identifying our expectations may reveal why we are struggling, disappointed, frustrated or searching. Misunderstandings are often rooted in wrongful or wrongly-perceived expectations.

How do we react to unexpected circumstances or unexpected responses from people? Do we feel angry, fearful, frustrated, devastated, cheated? Seven months after my husband passed away I got a medical bill for something I was told would be covered completely. I was not happy with the bill, the miscommunication or the fact that it was so long after his death. While I was still talking with medical and insurance personnel about this unexpected bill I got an unexpected envelope delivered to my house. Inside was a gift – a check that was just a bit larger than the medical bill. The unexpected timing of this gift was a resounding reminder of God’s profound provision.

Expectations include an element of anticipation. What are you anticipating should or could happen as you make plans for celebrating Christmas? Plans include family and friends, gift giving and gift-receiving, visiting and entertaining visitors. Wrapped up within each one of us are hosts of expectations. Some are obvious. Others are hidden. Some will be met. Others will not. Some people and gifts will exceed our expectations. Others will disappoint us. Are your expectations of yourself and others realistic?

Waiting is another component of expectation. Expectant parents, although eager to meet their new baby, know the importance of waiting until the baby has fully developed. You might decide to sell your house and expect someone to want to buy it, but you have to wait for that person to find it, see it and make an acceptable offer.  You might expect to be offered a new job after a positive interview, but have to wait to hear if you have been selected for the position.  We might expect a phone call – from a doctor, a child, a friend – with a report or an update on a given situation, but we have to wait until the call comes. It is in the waiting time that we develop character, that lessons are often learned. Waiting often leads us into an increased awareness of God’s presence and power.

I have been examining my expectations. What do I expect of myself as I move through these weeks and months, putting more and more time between the day I was still married and the day I became a widow? What do I expect of others during this painful, confusing, twisted and unwanted journey? What do others expect of me as I travel this road of grief recovery toward a new normal? What does God expect of me? What do I expect of God?

We sing Come Thou long-expected Jesus, born to set Thy people free.  Isaiah says You did awesome things that we did not expect (Isaiah 64:3).  God is the God of both the expected and the unexpected. Although the people of Israel expected His birth they had waited so long for the fulfillment of this prophecy that His incarnation caught them by surprise. This long-expected Messiah was born, lived, died, arose and returned to heaven. Our return, and the return of those we love, to heaven is expected. Yet the timing and details are often unexpected.

I have decided to look for the unexpected that God is doing in my life. As I keep my eyes open for the unexpected from God I find security in what I know I can expect from Him. I expect the Lord will always hear me when I pray. I expect Him to give me courage and hope. I find hope in both the expected and unexpected ways in which God directs my life. My prayer is that God will shape my expectations into realistic and joyful expectations of myself, others, and above all, Him, as I live on earth and long for heaven.

EXPECT In the morning, O Lord, You hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before You and wait in expectation. Psalm 5:3

I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance. I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. Philippians 1: 19-21

* One of our authors, Lois Hoogeveen, lost her husband in early March to a battle with cancer, which began just 3 months earlier. Jim and Lois had pastored 5 churches, 2 they planted. At the time they were hit with this disease they were transitioning into specialized transitional ministry for the next season of their full time ministry. They were and are good friends of Ascending Leaders. Through the journey with cancer, Jim and Lois wrote and shared their "breath prayers," each day. "Breath Praying" is something they had first learned seven years ago from the Ascending Leaders Christ Habits book Prayer: Listening to God's Voice.

Since Jim's passing, Lois has been continuing to write excellent reflections on this journey along with breath prayers. She has consented to allow us to share some with you. Lois is also the core author of one of our newest workbooks:  Your Pathways: Strong Connection with God.