Walking the Journey of Grief--One Breath Prayer at a Time #19

Breath Prayer: TRUST

Lois Hoogeveen

January 13, 2013

I slowly ascended Mt. Sinai riding on the back of a camel. The Bedouin guide’s spoken English was probably limited to less than ten words, “yes” being the one he chose when I asked if Jamel was a gentle camel. Not only did I get separated from my husband, whose camel was further back in the pack, but self-assured Jamel also got ahead of our guide. So it was Jamel and me, just the two of us, climbing the narrow, rugged trail up Mt. Sinai on a hot summer day. Of course we did not understand each other’s language either, and since he was totally in control of our expedition in the Egyptian desert, I had to fully trust that I would be safe on Jamel’s back, slowly going upward one step at a time on this stony trail. Jamel hugged the edge, and I wondered when his foot would slip and we would crash down the rocky cliff. My heart pounded . I was scared. But wait. These camels must know what they are doing or this Bedouin camel-riding business would have been shut down long ago. I cautiously started to trust Jamel’s instincts, I relaxed a bit and began to enjoy the experience. Jamel took me as far as he could go. From there we continued on foot, climbing the 750 steps that would take us to the summit of Mt. Sinai. Bidding farewell to Jamel was not the end of my trust-walk that day. After sunset we had to go down the same rocky, windy trail on foot, in the dark, to return to our base camp. Our group guide lost site of the path and we had a taste of wandering in the desert in the black of night. My fearless husband persistently checked every potential path, and once he found the right one became our sherpa, whom the group trusted to lead them safely back to camp.

I trusted the person who was initially leading our group. But not after we knew we were off the beaten path. Some people, like me, trust almost everyone until something happens that indicates this person is not trustworthy. Others initially trust no one, and only begin to trust people when they prove that they can be trusted. Which do you identify with? Without trust relationships are compromised and we do not reap the fullest value that might be afforded us through them. We do not live life in a vacuum, and so it is crucial that we are, first of all, trustworthy ourselves and then that we develop safe relationships with people around us. What are you doing to prove that you can be trusted? What are you doing to cultivate trusting relationships with others? Fear takes over in the absence of trust. When we find ourselves living in fear we need to explore who we can go to or what we can do to help dissolve that fear. Only as we put our trust in reliable, honorable sources will we be able to calm our soul and develop a spirit of peace. Indeed, trust is the only antidote to fear.

Trust transcends human relationships. People will disappoint us. They will break our trust. Circumstances will challenge us and may be the source of anxiety and fear. But God will never abandon us, betray us, mislead us, reject us. He is with us in every situation we encounter, in every trial we face. He wants us to strengthen our faith as we navigate through our weakest moments and most painful experiences . Even when death takes one we love, one we planned to spend many more years with on earth, even when we are disappointed that God’s plan did not match our plan, even when we are afraid of how we will survive without our spouse, even then, we can still trust God. God, our Father, does not promise to always give us what we want but He does promise to never leave us or forsake us. He promises to be our Refuge and our Strength.

Trust. Faith. Hope. These three are intertwined. Trust is the backbone of faith and faith is the foundation of hope. As we trust the Lord in the darkest night our faith becomes stronger and hope is birthed. Trust, faith and hope are the benefits we receive upon believing in Jesus Christ. They are His gifts to us, His chosen, treasured people. No one, other than our Redeeming Savior and Lord, can give these to us and no one can take them away. Trust, faith and hope fuel us in the best and worst of circumstances, in our strongest and weakest moments. In them the Giver of these gifts displays His presence and power. The Lord is sure-footed as He carries me on the rugged path of life. If I trusted Jamel, doesn’t it make all the more sense to trust Jehovah?

Trust Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on our own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

When I am afraid, I will trust in you. Psalm 56:3

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

* One of our authors, Lois Hoogeveen, lost her husband in early March to a battle with cancer, which began just 3 months earlier. Jim and Lois had pastored 5 churches, 2 they planted. At the time they were hit with this disease they were transitioning into specialized transitional ministry for the next season of their full time ministry. They were and are good friends of Ascending Leaders. Through the journey with cancer, Jim and Lois wrote and shared their "breath prayers," each day. "Breath Praying" is something they had first learned seven years ago from the Ascending Leaders Christ Habits book Prayer: Listening to God's Voice.


Since Jim's passing, Lois has been continuing to write excellent reflections on this journey along with breath prayers. She has consented to allow us to share some with you. Lois is also the core author of two of our newest workbooks: Since Jim's passing, Lois has been continuing to write excellent reflections on this journey along with breath prayers. She has consented to allow us to share some with you. Lois is also the core author of two of our newest workbooks:  Your Pathways: Strong Connection with God and Thriving: Stewarding Unexpected Change.

Walking the Journey of Grief--One Breath Prayer at a Time #18

Breath Prayer: LOOK

Lois Hoogeveen

December 30, 2012

“Look at that!” was a recurrent exclamation by either my husband or I as we ascended mountain roads, walked on sandy beaches and beheld a sunrise or a sunset. Especially sunrises and sunsets. We often summoned each other to the east-facing window or west-facing deck on our home so we could gaze together at a dazzling sunrise or radiant sunset. My husband also beckoned me outside on many occasions to join him in gazing at a storm-clouded sky, luminous stars or a full moon gracing the dark firmament.  These moments are etched in my mind as cherished memories of standing together in awe of the Artist who created these scenes of natural, indescribable beauty.

God gave us a memorable sunrise and sunset occurrence in the last year of my husband’s life. The first happened the morning we were leaving the lake after our annual week of camping with our dear friends. Shortly before we drove away from what, unknown to us, would be our last time together at this lake, we stood, hand in hand, mesmerized by a breathtaking sunrise over the lake. It was the most glorious sunrise I have ever seen. Fast forward five months, driving home after Jim said his earthly good-byes to his father, the Lord graced us with a phenomenal sunset for 45 minutes of our trip home. Both of these were “Look at that!” experiences.

Brilliant sunrises and sunsets remind me of the Sovereign Lord who created life, who ordains the beginning and end of life and all that lies between the sunrises and sunsets of our days on earth. A brilliant sunrise erupts into the light of day. A breath-taking sunset is swallowed by the darkness of night. Life with someone we love is an experience that is bookended with sunrises and sunsets. At some point in life we all release someone we love, a parent, a spouse, a child, a sibling, a friend, into the glory of the heavens. What is left is memories of some phenomenal sunrises and some breath-taking sunsets with a lot of ordinary days that now hold extraordinary value. Sunrises and sunsets now remind me of my husband and make me celebrate that he is in heaven, a place that is more glorious than the most magnificent sunrise or sunset, the most rugged snow-capped mountain, the clearest lake, the fullest moon and brightest stars our eyes ever beheld.

Between the sunrises and sunsets of this past year I have experienced the turbulence of storms. It has been a “Look at that!” year in many ways. Both grief and the ending of a calendar year tend to make one look in the rearview mirror of life.  As this year ends, my rearview mirror reflects loss, grief, sadness, aloneness, change, fear. But that is only part of what is behind me. I also see love, grace, mercy, peace. All these feelings and emotions are blended together much like the colors in a spectacular sunrise or sunset. Living life is like driving a vehicle. We must focus on what is ahead and around us with only short glances in the rearview mirror, using what is behind to give perspective that influences our moving forward.

It is important to pause and marvel at a year’s “Look at that!” God-sightings. Making a list of all these “aha moments and experiences” is a valuable end-of-the year exercise.  As I look back over this past year, I know without a doubt that the Creator of sunrises and sunsets, of mountains and valleys, of clear skies and stormy clouds, of lakes and dry land, the Author of life and death, the Giver of blessings in the midst of sorrow, was the One Who was taking care of me, His beloved daughter.  My rearview mirror reflects God’s presence and blessing in the times of storm and the Body of Christ ministering to me in a myriad of ways. It sharpens my perspective that life on earth with its joys and sorrows is temporary. In my rearview mirror I see Jesus on the cross. I pause to say “Look at that!”  and then receive renewed power to move forward, knowing that  Jesus is now sitting at the right hand of God, giving me courage and strength for today as well as hope for eternity.

LOOK  Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always. Psalm 105:4

  

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:18

* One of our authors, Lois Hoogeveen, lost her husband in early March to a battle with cancer, which began just 3 months earlier. Jim and Lois had pastored 5 churches, 2 they planted. At the time they were hit with this disease they were transitioning into specialized transitional ministry for the next season of their full time ministry. They were and are good friends of Ascending Leaders. Through the journey with cancer, Jim and Lois wrote and shared their "breath prayers," each day. "Breath Praying" is something they had first learned seven years ago from the Ascending Leaders Christ Habits book Prayer: Listening to God's Voice.


Since Jim's passing, Lois has been continuing to write excellent reflections on this journey along with breath prayers. She has consented to allow us to share some with you. Lois is also the core author of two of our newest workbooks: Since Jim's passing, Lois has been continuing to write excellent reflections on this journey along with breath prayers. She has consented to allow us to share some with you. Lois is also the core author of two of our newest workbooks:  Your Pathways: Strong Connection with God and Thriving: Stewarding Unexpected Change

Walking the Journey of Grief--One Breath Prayer at a Time #17

Breath Prayer: MYSTERY

Lois Hoogeveen

December 16, 2012

I enjoy a good mystery, whether reading a book or watching a movie. I like the suspense of the unknown, the development of a plot as it thickens and unfolds, feeling personal satisfaction when my prediction of the outcome or verdict is correct as well as enjoying the “I didn’t see that coming” moment when the final moments take me by surprise. As much as I like mystery in the fictional world, I am not a fan of suspense in the real world. I would rather know what to expect in my life and not be surprised by unforeseen circumstances.

Both birth and death have many elements of mystery, drama and suspense with numerous unexpected, untimely, unpredictable and uncontrollable twists and turns. No two births or deaths are exactly the same. There is mystery in the survival of a newborn baby who enters the world too soon and too tiny. There is mystery in the loss of a loved one who leaves this earth suddenly and unexpectedly. There is mystery in a newborn taking that first breath. There is mystery in a loved one who suffers intensely and yet lingers day after day, week after week. There is mystery when a child’s physical and mental development  does not progress in sync. There is mystery in the loss of a loved one’s memory and mental capacity while his or her physical body remains strong and healthy.

We have been taught to take responsibility for our health. Thus parents take their children in for well checks and adults go to doctors for annual physicals. We bike, jog, walk on treadmills, work out on elliptical machines and lift weights. We make healthy food choices. We take vitamins and supplements. Even more important, we are responsible for our spiritual physique. How diligent are we taking time in the Word and Prayer to improve our spiritual health?

The story of each of our lives is being written by the Author of life. Only the Creator and Sustainer of life knows the plot of each one of us from beginning to end. We must always be ready for the end Why does He not reveal the mystery, giving us a clue about the details of how long we will be on earth? I believe this is His way of developing and deepening our trust in Him. We know the day will come when life on earth will end. We might have forewarning, knowing when our earthly life is almost over.  It might be an abrupt, unexpected ending. Unlike a novel we read, we do not know the length of our story. We cannot progress through life as we do with a book or movie, knowing when the mystery will soon conclude because there are only a few more pages to turn or a few more minutes left until the end of the show. However, those who believe in the Author and Redeemer of life do know how the story will ultimately end even though we do not know the when the end of life on earth will come.

Sometimes life feels like a slow-moving movie and we just wish the end would come. Unlike a movie, we do not have a fast-forward button in life that brings us to the end quicker because we want the drama to be done. Unlike a book, we do not have the option to skip pages to get to the end of the story. Neither do we have a rewind button. I wish we would have had more pages in the story of my husband’s life – both during the chapters of health as well as during the chapters of cancer. We never had a season of remission to rest and regroup and better prepare for the imminent end. Sometimes I wish we could go back a year or two, when we were both healthy and active and doing so much together. Sometimes I wish we had talked more about certain things. Sometimes I wish we had spent more time just being together. Going back is not a choice God gives us. Now I must learn to live each day with “can’t-put-it-down” anticipation of the plot God is unfolding in this mysterious new way of living. Believing God has the mystery of my life under His control takes faith in the “I AM” of my life.  “I am your Sustainer, I am your Provider, I am your Protector, I am your Friend, I am Sovereign, I am Lord” connects every word, every sentence, every paragraph, every page, every chapter of my story.

The story of the birth, life and death of Jesus Christ is certainly in the mystery genre. There were and continue to be more questions about how, why, when and so what than have ever been asked about any other child who was born in this world. Jesus’ mother didn’t press God for the details. She treasured the mystery of life, knowing that with life comes death. While others were amazed at her child, Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. (Luke 2:19) Many of the details of Jesus’ life and death have been revealed to us. Are we amazed at the mystery of God’s love? Do we treasure how He impacts our story? Do we trust God’s wisdom and knowledge enough to follow Him even when we cannot trace His path for our life?

God wrote the beginning and the end of each of our stories before we were even born. He is the Director of our life. Our days are numbered. We cannot fathom the mystery of how He knows every detail of our lives, what was, what is and what is to come. One thing we know, as His child, is that in life and in death, we belong to Him. Heidelberg Catechism #1: My only comfort in life and death is that I am not my own but belong to my faithful Savior, Jesus Christ. He is the Author of every moment of my life.

MYSTERY Can you fathom the mysteries of God? Job 11:7

Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord? Romans 11:33-34

The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law. Deuteronomy 29:29

Walking in the rain with God at one's side.

 One group guide, Laurie Vonk of Hudsonville, MI, using Ascending Leaders in her church wrote this blog today about her journey through chemotherapy and radiation for stage 1 stomach cancer. I thought it is wonderful and expect you will find it so too.

Walking in the Rain......

I received an ecard from a friend this week that depicted me as a little girl walking outside in the rain by myself. My friend, watching from inside, wished she had a big yellow umbrella she could hold over me to protect me from all the rain in my life...but she did not. Instead she put on her boots, came outside, took my hand, and told me she would walk through the rain with me!

This got me thinking about rain...first thoughts...uncomfortable, dreary, depressing. Then I realized the importance of rain...nourishing, causes growth, brings life. Rain is a sign of God's blessing - Deuteronomy 11:13-15 "So if you faithfully obey the commands I am giving you today - to love the Lord your God and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul - then I will send rain on your land in its season. both autumn and spring rains, so that you may gather in your grain, new wine and oil. I will provide grass in the fields for your cattle, and you will eat and be satisfied."

I got my chemo and meds on Monday. The nausea started on Tuesday afternoon and lasted until I got hydration and more meds on Wednesday noon. I had some trouble with dizziness Tuesday morning - my blood pressure was pretty low 85/58. The hydration helped with that I think. (Sort of like rain) So far this morning (Thursday) things are pretty good. I am scheduled for more hydration tomorrow morning. Hopefully that will keep bad symptoms at bay. My next chemo is scheduled for Monday, January 21.

Thank you for your prayers that this chemo will be effective in my body and that I may be able to handle the side effects. The ultrasound of my gallbladder showed some thickening of the gallbladder wall. If symptoms persist, more testing may be necessary.

Let us be grateful for the rain in our lives and for those who are willing to walk through it with us! May we always be on the lookout for those who need a companion in the rain...may we be willing to get wet in order to show God's love to them!

Ezekiel 34:26 "I will bless them and the places surrounding my hill. I will send down showers in season; there will be showers of blessing."

Multiplying Joy

by Mike Johnson

12.12.12

“Since you have received any blessing from the coming of Jesus Christ who gave up all the luxuries of heaven to live in a weak and pained human body for our sake—hot his, since you have felt love radiating out from his act of stepping in for you on the cross, since you have been comforted by his presence, then make his joy complete by being like Him in every way, loving Him more fully and better giving of yourself to others.” Paraphrase from Philippians 2:1-7.

I love the way Philippians 2:1-7 connects the essence of Christmas (“did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant,”) with the many mundane moments of our seemingly-meager lives (“be like-minded, having the same love…”). The Christmas season is perfect for considering and taking measures to become more like Christ in every way, loving Him and others more fully.

Helping people better live Philippians 2 is what my life has become about. Seven years ago I began Ascending Leaders as an avenue to write, teach, train, consult and coach to that end, and to invite friends to do the same.  Helping church leaders succeed at their mission of helping people better live Philippians 2, as disciples on mission, has been our guiding principle in 2012.

A common theme we hear is, “I’m too busy.” Brandon Bajema and I traveled to Lubbock, Texas; Bellingham, WA; Holland, MI and Ada, MI to share with pastors and ministry staff of over 50 churches how to help people keep busyness from distracting from spiritual issues. Our free half-day workshop on the topic, Leading People from Busy to Engaged, coupled with a full day Charting Your Course seminar for church members blessed many.

Ascending Leaders is working towards becoming stronger and better able to serve churches and people.

1. Getting better at growing people of character and impact: Of those who have benefited from the work of my friends and I and completed our survey, over 95% indicated that we exceeded their expectations—up 5% from last year. 90% of the survey responders said that they experienced some tangible life change as a result—that is up from 65% last year. That is what we want to see! The answers to our woes in North America do not lie in Washington D.C. The answers lie in followers of Jesus living out His image in them, with his thoughts, emotions and actions, impacting our families, our churches, our communities, our country and our world. We are getting better each year at growing these kinds of people.
2. Pursuing Denominational Interest: One denomination, the Christian Reformed Church in North America (my “home” denomination), in June declared Ascending Leaders “accredited” to their churches. This means Ascending Leaders is recommended to churches to help them with discipleship and for their support of our work. This means that we will more easily help people in that denomination better live Phil. 2. Currently 55 churches of that denomination support the work of Ascending Leaders. One church of that denomination has contracted me to bring a Charting Your Course seminar to them 5-6 times over the next couple years. Another group of 21 Christian Reformed churches has contracted me as a consultant for church health in 2013.
3. Recruiting foundations to support special large projects: Several foundations in Michigan, Iowa and Texas expressed confidence in our work. The grant funds we received in 2012 from foundations totaled 55% more than last. They and individual donors allowed us to bring growth in character and impact to over 550 people and many more whom they impact and influence. The grants especially supported the half day workshops in various cities and our production of six more workbooks.
4. The discipline to tighten our belt when necessary: In the midst of political debates and talk of national “fiscal cliffs”,  it is gratifying to know that we have the discipline and self-sacrifice to live within our means. Our administrator Teri Watson and I were able to trim our cost of administration in 2012 by 75% from 2011. That means it takes longer to get things done, and some things we used to do get left undone, but are able to be responsible so that we can focus on our mission, rather than on organization survival. We thank God for this demonstration of responsibility.
5. Deepening our Trustworthiness: We continued as members of the Evangelical Council of Financial Accountability, a sign that we can be trusted as an exceptionally credible organization. I learned many good things from their workshop this year to strengthen Ascending Leaders.  We also make our financials and other matters about us easy to find through our complete entry with guidestar.org and our “transparency” button which Is easy to find on our website beneath the “About Us” button. When so many nonprofits have gone for years without reporting to IRS, we are proud to show our report form of each and every year. Because of our strong financial transparency we were awarded in 2012 the Guidestar Exchange Seal. Both the Evangelical Council of Financial Accountability accreditation and the Guidestar Exchange Seal point to our strong credibility and transparency of the way we steward this ministry.
6. Providing more topics to grow people’s character: By the end of this year, we will have published six more books. Five of them are about stewardship of different aspects of life. We now have 25 books, totaling over 150 sessions that small groups can use. We have ended the year by making this and others more accessible through our “Buy 3, Get 2 Free!” promotion. 
7. Actively seeking a humble, key partner to more strongly influence Christian character: It makes no sense to try to go it alone, when there are other good organizations who are passionate about Christ-likeness, character growth, missional impact, discipleship and leadership development from the very early days of people’s spiritual lives. We approached over 40 organizations this past year to explore the possibility of a partnership. Our search has narrowed to just a few organizations that share our mission and can complement our strengths. We trust that by mid next year we will be announcing who that key partner is. Our strength that most seem to be interested in is my God given ability to shape ideas into a curriculum and materials to be used across a congregation.

7.1Helping build church-wide cultures of discipleship: I have learned even more about this, this past year, blogged about it and even worked with one church to design a one month all church discipleship emphasis. I hope God allows me to do more of that in the future with other churches.

7.2Helping more people by teaching workshops at more conferences: This past year I presented workshops at three different conferences. The attendance at each workshop was exceptionally large. I helped people see the importance of self-awareness and some of the tools available.  Participants ranked these presentations highly.

I count it a privilege and joy to be able to work at innovative ways to help churches succeed in their mission of growing people of character and impact. It is my joy to serve you and your churches, to serve alongside friends (dedicated contract staff, our board and volunteers) who also care about character growth and to use resources to not help just an individual, but hundreds and thousands through the domino effect of impact that one growing character has on those in his/her sphere of influence.

 Help us meet the challenge!

Help us meet the match!

Multiply Joy!

Walking the Journey of Grief--One Breath Prayer at a Time #16

 NOTE: Lois is the core author of our soon to be released new study Thriving: Stewarding Unexpected Change.

Breath Prayer: EXPECT

Lois Hoogeveen*

December 9, 2012

Advent is a time of waiting. It is a time of anticipation. It is a time of expectation. The season of advent has caused me to think about expectations.

Expectations. We all have them. We expect things of ourselves. We expect things of others. Expectations might be realistic or unrealistic, fair or unfair, just or unjust. We might say, I expect you to…, but more often our expectations are unspoken. They are hidden. It takes conscious effort to recognize the expectations we have of our self and others as well as the expectations others have of us. Realistic expectations of our self and others is one of the secrets to experiencing happiness, satisfaction and peace. Identifying our expectations may reveal why we are struggling, disappointed, frustrated or searching. Misunderstandings are often rooted in wrongful or wrongly-perceived expectations.

How do we react to unexpected circumstances or unexpected responses from people? Do we feel angry, fearful, frustrated, devastated, cheated? Seven months after my husband passed away I got a medical bill for something I was told would be covered completely. I was not happy with the bill, the miscommunication or the fact that it was so long after his death. While I was still talking with medical and insurance personnel about this unexpected bill I got an unexpected envelope delivered to my house. Inside was a gift – a check that was just a bit larger than the medical bill. The unexpected timing of this gift was a resounding reminder of God’s profound provision.

Expectations include an element of anticipation. What are you anticipating should or could happen as you make plans for celebrating Christmas? Plans include family and friends, gift giving and gift-receiving, visiting and entertaining visitors. Wrapped up within each one of us are hosts of expectations. Some are obvious. Others are hidden. Some will be met. Others will not. Some people and gifts will exceed our expectations. Others will disappoint us. Are your expectations of yourself and others realistic?

Waiting is another component of expectation. Expectant parents, although eager to meet their new baby, know the importance of waiting until the baby has fully developed. You might decide to sell your house and expect someone to want to buy it, but you have to wait for that person to find it, see it and make an acceptable offer.  You might expect to be offered a new job after a positive interview, but have to wait to hear if you have been selected for the position.  We might expect a phone call – from a doctor, a child, a friend – with a report or an update on a given situation, but we have to wait until the call comes. It is in the waiting time that we develop character, that lessons are often learned. Waiting often leads us into an increased awareness of God’s presence and power.

I have been examining my expectations. What do I expect of myself as I move through these weeks and months, putting more and more time between the day I was still married and the day I became a widow? What do I expect of others during this painful, confusing, twisted and unwanted journey? What do others expect of me as I travel this road of grief recovery toward a new normal? What does God expect of me? What do I expect of God?

We sing Come Thou long-expected Jesus, born to set Thy people free.  Isaiah says You did awesome things that we did not expect (Isaiah 64:3).  God is the God of both the expected and the unexpected. Although the people of Israel expected His birth they had waited so long for the fulfillment of this prophecy that His incarnation caught them by surprise. This long-expected Messiah was born, lived, died, arose and returned to heaven. Our return, and the return of those we love, to heaven is expected. Yet the timing and details are often unexpected.

I have decided to look for the unexpected that God is doing in my life. As I keep my eyes open for the unexpected from God I find security in what I know I can expect from Him. I expect the Lord will always hear me when I pray. I expect Him to give me courage and hope. I find hope in both the expected and unexpected ways in which God directs my life. My prayer is that God will shape my expectations into realistic and joyful expectations of myself, others, and above all, Him, as I live on earth and long for heaven.

EXPECT In the morning, O Lord, You hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before You and wait in expectation. Psalm 5:3

I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance. I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. Philippians 1: 19-21

* One of our authors, Lois Hoogeveen, lost her husband in early March to a battle with cancer, which began just 3 months earlier. Jim and Lois had pastored 5 churches, 2 they planted. At the time they were hit with this disease they were transitioning into specialized transitional ministry for the next season of their full time ministry. They were and are good friends of Ascending Leaders. Through the journey with cancer, Jim and Lois wrote and shared their "breath prayers," each day. "Breath Praying" is something they had first learned seven years ago from the Ascending Leaders Christ Habits book Prayer: Listening to God's Voice.

Since Jim's passing, Lois has been continuing to write excellent reflections on this journey along with breath prayers. She has consented to allow us to share some with you. Lois is also the core author of one of our newest workbooks:  Your Pathways: Strong Connection with God. 

Walking the Journey of Grief--One Breath Prayer at a Time #15

Breath Prayer: FOGGED IN

Lois Hoogeveen*

November 11, 2012

Fog? What fog? My sister was staying at my house while her husband was a patient in the hospital. She called to tell him she would be coming to the hospital a bit later than usual because she did not want to drive in the fog. What fog? he asked. We could not see beyond my backyard. Just a few miles from my house he had a clear view of the neighborhood from his window. I talked to another sister, again commenting on the fog. What fog? she asked. There was no fog at her house either.  Later we ventured out, and just one mile from my house there was no fog. I realized then that I am living in a low spot where fog settles. I do not have to go far to have a clear view.

A grieving person lives much of the day surrounded by fog. Everything closes in on you. You cannot see beyond your immediate surroundings. You think others around you (at least those closest to you) are experiencing the same thing. And then you go out and you see people moving about freely because their view is clear.  They do not have thick clouds hovering over them like that which lingers at your dwelling.

The world closes in around you when you are surrounded by the denseness of the haze that fills the air. It does not feel safe to go out, and if you do, you know it is important to practice extreme caution. It is hard to see others and you wonder if they will see you. You feel vulnerable. The clouds that envelop your being make you feel dazed and disoriented. You hope you don’t have to travel into unknown territory because you are not sure you will be able to see the road. It is difficult, near impossible, to read road and street signs. Even familiar roads feel less safe. You wonder if others will be as careful.  Driving in the fog. Going out, enshrouded in grief. Very similar experiences.

I am living in a low spot physically and emotionally. I do not have to go far from home on a foggy day to enter a community that is enjoying clear skies. On a day when I cannot see beyond the sadness that is engulfing me I do not have to go far from home to see people laughing, interacting with one another and enjoying life. There is no fog in their world.

An observation I have made about days that begin with a heavy fog cover is that they often turn out to be blue-sky, sunny, beautiful days. I have experienced a few of those days as well. I believe more will come. But for now, I live in a low spot where the fog settles. It is the season for fog. Some days I will stay home until the fog lifts. Other days, I will leave home and hope to find a spot where the sky is blue, the sun is shining and the heaviness is lifted.

I search for the Light of God shining through the fog of grief. I hold on to the clouds that surround me as being the very chariot that carries God above me, before me, behind me, beneath me as He guides me through the day. Even in the fog, I will mediate on the presence of the Lord and rejoice in the assurance that He is with me.

FOGGED IN By day the Lord went ahead of them in a pillar of cloud to guide them on their way.  Exodus 13:21

O Lord my God, you are very great; you are clothed with splendor and majesty. He wraps himself in light…. He makes the clouds his chariot…. May my mediation be pleasing to him, as I rejoice in the Lord. Psalm 104:1, 2, 3, 34

* One of our authors, Lois Hoogeveen, lost her husband in early March to a battle with cancer, which began just 3 months earlier. Jim and Lois had pastored 5 churches, 2 they planted. At the time they were hit with this disease they were transitioning into specialized transitional ministry for the next season of their full time ministry. They were and are good friends of Ascending Leaders. Through the journey with cancer, Jim and Lois wrote and shared their "breath prayers," each day. "Breath Praying" is something they had first learned seven years ago from the Ascending Leaders Christ Habits book Prayer: Listening to God's Voice.

Since Jim's passing, Lois has been continuing to write excellent reflections on this journey along with breath prayers. She has consented to allow us to share some with you. Lois is also the core author of one of our newest workbooks:  Your Pathways: Strong Connection with God.