Breath Praying Through the Journey of Grief #7

One of our authors, Lois Hoogeveen, lost her husband in early March to a battle with cancer, which began just 3 months earlier. Jim and Lois had pastored 5 churches, 2 they planted. At the time they were hit with this disease they were transitioning into specialized transitional ministry for the next season of their full time ministry. They were and are good friends of Ascending Leaders. Through the journey with cancer, Jim and Lois wrote and shared their "breath prayers," each day. "Breath Praying" is something they had first learned seven years ago from the Ascending Leaders Christ Habits book Prayer: Listening to God's Voice.

Since Jim's passing, Lois has been continuing to write excellent reflections on this journey along with breath prayers. She has consented to allow us to share some with you. Lois is also the core author of one of our newest workbooks:  Your Pathways: Strong Connection with God.

Breath Prayer: CLOTHED

Lois Hoogeveen

August 5, 2012

I only wore designer clothes when I grew up. The designer was my mother. Every garment I wore was a product of my mother’s creativity and skill. She taught me and my four sisters how to sew. We learned to follow the guide sheet as we pinned the pattern pieces to the fabric, cut them out and then sewed them together one by one until the garment was complete. The tools of this craft include pins, scissors, sewing machine, needle and thread. And the seam ripper. Mom said we could not sew without a seam ripper. Sometimes we needed it to take something apart that we had done wrong. Other times we used it to undo seams that required adjustment to make the garment fit better. The iron was another essential tool for sewing.  We learned the importance of pressing each seam as we assembled the pieces and then giving the entire garment a final pressing to complete the project.

No fabric was wasted. Unused fabric was cut and sewed together to make beautiful quilts. Even fabric from clothes we no longer wore was used in quilts. Many years later, these quilts are good conversation starters since they hold memories of clothes we made and wore when we were kids.

God is the Master Designer of my life. He has taken the fabric of my personality, natural talents and spiritual gifts and stitched them together with the people and experiences in my life to make me who I am. Over the years the unique style into which He crafted me has become comfortable. Now I feel like the garment of my life has been attacked by the seam ripper. Some of the stitches that held me together have been severed and the fibers of my very being are stretched and weakened. I am pressed down by the hot iron of loss and change. Some days I feel like I am being scorched. Yet I know this painful process has the potential to open seams and flatten wrinkles in my life.

I wonder how God is going to redesign the fabric of my life. What will the new pattern look like? What will be the same? What will be different? What will be the purpose of the new style that is in the making? I believe nothing will be wasted. I do not know what kind of crazy quilt will be designed from the scraps of my life, but I trust that it will have a purpose, that it will have a message for my children and grandchildren.

Although I am uncertain about what the new Tailor-made design of my earthly life will look like, I know for sure that I am forever clothed in His love and grace and He has prepared a robe of righteousness for me that will never fade or tear, a robe I will wear throughout eternity.

CLOTHED I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness. Isaiah 61:10