Breathing through the Journey of Grief #1

One of our authors, Lois Hoogeveen, lost her husband in early March to a battle with cancer, which began just 6 months earlier. Jim and Lois had pastored 5 churches, 3 they planted. At the time they were hit with this disease they were transitioning into intentional interim ministry for the next season of their full time ministry. They were and are good friends of Ascending Leaders. Through the journey with cancer, Jim and Lois wrote and shared their "breath prayers," each day. "Breath Praying" is something they had first learned seven years ago from the Ascending Leaders Christ Habits book Prayer: Listening to God's Voice.

Some of my (Mike's) own breath prayers of late have been "mountains melt" and "well watered."

Since Jim's passing, Lois has been continuing to write excellent reflections on this journey along with breath prayers. She has consented to allow us to share some with you.

Lois Hoogeveen

June 3, 2012

I’ll take care of that. I heard these words from family and friends over and over as they helped me the past months. I also heard these words from health care providers, insurance agents, financial advisers, and legal professionals. Although I prefer doing things for myself and helping others, I am willing to admit that right now I need help and I am deeply grateful for the personal and professional resources that are available.

One year ago (June, 2011) homes, businesses  and farmland in surrounding communities were damaged and destroyed as dams on the Missouri River released maximum amounts of water through their spillways. Property owners, sightseers and news-watchers saw the power of these rushing waters. Four months later, we biked to Gavins Point Dam from our campground, and still saw gallons of water tumble and crash with a mighty force and felt the spray of the water on our faces.

I had a 2011 Gavins Point Dam day this week when my Misery River swelled, the floodgates opened and my tears were released in maximum volumes. Like a core of engineers, I rehearsed many possible scenarios over and over as I sought protection and damage-control.  Confidants listened to me and shared their insights, wisdom and experience. During the late hours of the night, when normally I am asleep, God directed my thoughts to ponder: What is my ability? What is my responsibility? These two questions brought clarity to what I could and could not do to calm my internal storm.

God whispered to me, I’ll take care of that and I’ll take hold of you. The only way that can happen is if I relinquish control of the situation and trust Him to take care of it in His way and His time. Surrender and submit. This is not easy for a person who believes she should be able to take care of herself, that it is my responsibility to take care of myself.  Surrendering control to God does not come with a guarantee that the outcome will line up totally with our hopes and dreams. That is why we cannot surrender without submitting.

Is there something in your life that you have neither the ability nor the responsibility to change? God would like to take care of that.

When God took Jim’s hand from mine 13 weeks ago, He did not let go of mine. In fact, He tightened His grip.

BREATH PRAYER: TAKE HOLD I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. Isaiah 41:13