Breathing through the Journey of Grief #2

One of our authors, Lois Hoogeveen, lost her husband in early March to a battle with cancer, which began just 3 months earlier. Jim and Lois had pastored 5 churches, 2 they planted. At the time they were hit with this disease they were transitioning into specialized transitional ministry for the next season of their full time ministry. They were and are good friends of Ascending Leaders. Through the journey with cancer, Jim and Lois wrote and shared their "breath prayers," each day. "Breath Praying" is something they had first learned seven years ago from the Ascending Leaders Christ Habits book Prayer: Listening to God's Voice.

Since Jim's passing, Lois has been continuing to write excellent reflections on this journey along with breath prayers. She has consented to allow us to share some with you.

Lois Hoogeveen

June 10, 2012

One of this week’s new experiences was getting estimates on having the heating system in my house cleaned.   The technician who came to assess the situation showed me that the furnace is moderately dirty. It would benefit from a good cleaning. However, the duct work is a different story. The inside of the vents are layered with lint, dirt and dry wall dust. Although everything looks good on the outside, there is a lot of dirt in the system that affects the air quality in my house. The “duct professionals” are equipped and ready to clean my heating system.  I just need to tell them when I am ready and they will do the rest. 

Seeing how the air ducts in my house were coated with dirt caused me to think about what clings to the inside of my emotional and spiritual system. What does God see when He examines my heart and how its condition permeates through my life? What needs to be cleaned out to allow His Spirit to flow more freely through every thought I think, every word I speak, every action I take?

When you remodel a home lots of dust and dirt are stirred up and often the whole house is in disarray for a length of time. Projects typically take longer than you think and unexpected glitches lead to tweaking or totally changing the original plan. Cleaning the house’s duct system could be a necessary aspect of the final clean-up task. Grief has some similarities to a remodel project. The loss of a loved one results in a major remodeling of life. It makes a mess throughout every room of one’s “house.” The dust of death settles into every part of one’s being. Some days a person who is grieving may feel like life will never get back to normal. It is exhausting to grieve. Hopefully a remodeling project has an end. Grieving never does. Unlike a remodel project, grieving is not something a person chooses to do, is unplanned and does not have a picture of the desired earthly outcome to help one persevere through the tedious process. Two things keep a person going through the reconstruction of grief – the Contractor who commits to staying on the job 24/7 and the promise of a future home that is beyond expectations.

I feel like my life is being remodeled. The words of one of my favorite hymns, Breathe on Me Breath of God, express my desire to be pure, to be filled, to love and to endure as God is re-shaping me.

Breathe on me, breath of God, fill me with life anew,

That I may love the way You love, and do what You do.

Breathe on me, Breath of God, until my heart is pure,

Until my will is one with Yours, to do and to endure.

My breath prayer is that God will RENEW my spirit. Like a heating system, my spirit needs to be in good shape for me to love what God loves and do what God does. I know that the remodeling of my life is stirring up extra dust, and I thank God for His forgiveness and grace, His wonderful purifying process that restores my heart system, through which every aspect of my life is filtered. God is able and available to do the work. I just need to be willing to let him do it.

RENEW  Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me….Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.  Psalm 51:10,12